"But Moses pleaded with the Lord, 'O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.'
Then the Lord asked Moses, 'Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.'”
-Exodus 4:10-12
Obedience, I've found, is rarely comfortable.
"I'm a discipler, not an evangelist," I would try to reason with God when He asked me to go pray for/witness to/prophecy over a stranger. Although I love to speak, I can't deny that I like doing it on my own terms, with plenty of advance notice and preparation. Despite my stories from the last post, this whole spontaneous witnessing thing is definitely not easy for me...
I have to laugh at myself right now as I consider my silly little "It's not my gift" declaration. People are people and I'm certainly not the first to conjure excuses and attempt to scheme my way out of the things I know I need to do. When confronted with God's call, Jeremiah pointed to his youth and his lack of public speaking experience. Even Moses, a man who grew up as part of the royal family in the household of Pharaoh, felt that he lacked the authority to lead God's people out of Egypt. Isn't it so funny how our perception can get so messed up? Even me--the Sanguine, the Communicator, the Missionary--wrestles with the idea of going out on the street to speak the Truth in spontaneous obedience as necessary. Crazy how I could have all the "right" externals intact, yet the enemy would still tempt me time and again with apprehension over my abilities and what I really have to offer.
But the fact is, I have MUCH to offer. Not because of my degree (God used the uneducated and "common" Peter and John to speak with bold authority in Acts 4) or my ability to connect with people, but because the Spirit of God is inside me. And, as we see over and over in the New Testament, the Spirit not only empowers believers to speak boldly, giving them the exact words to speak in the exact moment they need them (Luke 12:12), but the Spirit always testifies to Christ. And Christ is THE way, the Truth and the life--He is the greatest thing anyone can receive from us. So, with His Spirit inside me--guiding me and speaking through me--me and my abilities are suddenly inconsequential. What matters is God's power moving through me...and whether or not I choose to let it.
While I'm a huge advocate of discovering and stewarding your spiritual gifts (i.e. investing into ministry that primarily utilizes your specific strengths and passions), God's spontaneous leading trumps even those. A few years ago, a friend shared a powerful revelation on this topic that changed everything for me. Your spiritual gifts, she said simply, are not for YOU! Gifts are given as the Spirit determines them...for the sake of others. Think about it: I don't have the gift of exhortation in order to encourage myself. I don't have the gift of teaching to impart lessons to myself. God blessed me with those gifts in order to uplift and share His revelation with other people--encouraging fellow believers and ushering in future ones. But because it is the Spirit that determines the gifts (not me), I can't claim that just because he has used me in the past as a vessel to pass along certain ones, that he can't up and decide to give me a new one at the drop of the hat. After all, if I'm at a Starbucks and I "just so happen" to be sitting next to someone on the verge of suicide, at that moment, it really doesn't matter whether or not I have the gift of evangelism. Knowing that person needs to hear a message of hope, God can most certainly give a word of knowledge (1 Cor 12:8) to you (an obedient believer) in that moment. It matters little whether or not you have exercised that particular gift before. It's about the need, not your particular gifting. And if God wants you to say/do something, he will give you the opportunity and the words to speak. Remember that every good and perfect gift comes from Him anyway (James 1:17).
That's ridiculously convicting, because it leaves all my excuses in the dust. If I've submitted myself to following the Lord; if I have truly died to myself, I will not question God's call. I will choose to be obedient--no matter what it looks like; no matter how scary it seems.
I must pause here to point out, however, that God rewards obedience. Despite the fear, the awkwardness and the risk at the start, something amazing almost always happens as a result. As the Lord has put people in my path to speak to, He has revealed His faithfulness by opening their hearts and allowing me to witness their receptiveness to His grace. And what a privilege it is to watch someone find (or get one step closer to) God! These moments are amazing not merely for their "cool story" factor, but far more for the faith they build in the one being witnessed to ("God cares about me so much to send a stranger to come and speak to me?"), the obedient believer themselves, and all those who hear the testimony afterwards.
We must be obedient and ready to share at any moment the Lord would ask us to (2 Tim 4:2)...and be faithful to share the testimonies of God's incredible power at work through us. After all, faith comes by hearing, so we'd better share those stories!
"No one lights a lamp and then covers it...No, you set it up on a lamp stand so those who enter the room can see their way. We're not keeping secrets; we're telling them. We're not hiding things; we're bringing everything out into the open. So be careful that you don't become misers of what you hear. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes."
-Luke 8:16-18
What's the sense in keeping your mouth shut? Gifts were meant to be given away...
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